Made-for-each-other couples -“successfully disagree”- with each other. Now that’s an art you ought to applaud, isn’t it! Imagine a situation where you and your partner have no differences at all and never argue over anything …oof how boring! There needs to be some exchange of painful feelings followed with pleasure …that’s when love comes full circle! Pain and pleasure come as a package when in love. However if you want this package to work for you, you need to know how to dissolve your differences as a couple.
Learn the skills of having “friendly fights” and make conflicts strengthen your relationship, rather than harm it. Disagree without being nasty …fight and stay friends! Assert opinions, make room for constructive criticism, express your intense feelings, negotiate differences …so to say Embrace Conflict!
Differences between you and your better half mean that there are things you can learn from each other and maybe these conflicts show your areas of growth. There is no need to either resist it or fear it. Conflict is normal, perhaps healthy! Remember to go after the issue, not each other …that’s what friendly fighting is all about!
REFRAIN from calling names; also do not assassinate your spouses character, that way you end up hurting his or her feelings which adds up to the already existing conflict. Listen respectfully …express your point of view only after you have let your companion know that you understand, that they feel intensely about the subject and they have a right to their feeling or opinion.
TALK SOFTLY. Even if your partner yells, there’s no need to yell back. When you control your volume, you create an atmosphere where both of you can focus on the issues and not react to the noise.
BEAR in MIND that there is by and large some basis for your spouse’s complaint. Meet it with curiosity and not by getting defensive. Ask for specifics. If your lover has complaints, ask for specific examples so that you can understand exactly what he or she is talking about. And when you have complaints, you too must highlight that complaint area by giving examples to him.
AVOID usage of extreme global statements that include the words “always” and “never”. They are never true and head the argument to nowhere. Look for portions of common ground in the conflict, where you both agree which will lead to a common solution.
COOPERATE …carefully consider options. Fighting ends when cooperation begins! Make small concessions. Note “there are no scoreboards”. It’s just about finding a solution that is workable for both of you.
MAKE PEACE. Preferably don’t take your conflict to bed …stay up late and get sorted or come to a workable solution. And remind yourself again and again that – the relationship is more important than winning arguments!
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