You have stepped into your teens – touching youth – when you experience your hormones going wild and you begin LONGING for love. And somewhere unknowingly you land up longing for a person that can’t love you back. You term this “longing” as LOVE …however this isn’t LOVE!
This yearning for someone we cannot have is a mere chase …we chase …we long. And then we think we’re in love. To quite a large extent we learn this from books and films. While reading or watching a movie we are hooked to characters who are chasing after each other – always missing each other – both literally and emotionally. Our longing builds up in direct proportion to their longing, watching them miss and then kiss and then miss each other again until they make mad, passionate love and then happily live ever after.
We’re therefore wired to equate love with longing and somehow sometimes land up choosing companions who are not right for us. So when this happens, the element of LONGING exists. Hence when a partner isn’t completely available, we think its love. Unfortunately it isn’t, it’s the LONGING that we tend to fantasize.
A LONGING is a strong feeling of need or desire for “someone” or “something”. It is “unrequited love OR unrequited crush” meaning LOVE NOT RETURNED. LONGING describes an unfulfilled desire …it’s a feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state. LONGING isn’t love …it’s when you ache with desire for someone you can’t have! It’s a painful yet elating sensation which gives birth to loads of fantasies. It also heightens the desire, the incentive, the overwhelming “need” to win over this person – once and for all – so that your self-esteem is “restored.” This compulsive craving actually distracts us from finding and receiving true love.
The LONGING that we mistaken to be love, is more an indication that we are kind of STUCK at some particular point of our childhood; or STUCK with some unmet needs of our childhood. And we continue to long for it. However as we enter youth and adult life, we need to shred those emotional baggage’s since it doesn’t lead us anywhere.
We sometimes ponder over the deep and powerful connection we share with ‘a someone’ (could be a married friend, your boss, a cousin, your committed colleague); and then wonder why “WE are” not together or “when will WE be” together. We keep LONGING & waiting as to when “he/she” is going to call OR show up again OR feel the same way as we do …then we would feel happy and complete. We need to stop infusing life into such a relationship, just to keep the connection going. In doing so, we land up hurting ourselves over and over again.
And yet there are times that, this wait …this LONGING …is really more a longing to mate, procreate, to have sex and make babies, to establish a life with someone. And once again we mistaken it for love! It’s like you are sick and far away from home and longing for your mother’s home-made food. If you are genuinely ill and out-of-home not with your mother, you ought to take responsibility of your well being and learn to deal with that LONGING and out grow it!
Now the next time you meet an extraordinary companion who sets your world apart and is not available – remember YOU are the one who is not available …a piece of yourself is missing! Maybe his or her presence uplifted you; however DON’T LONG for that companion! YOU experienced this upliftment from within yourself, which reflected back to you! Go Inwards …DIVE IN …and Feel Complete!